Social Change - An Insight

Change is challenging.

But for me, social change is possibly the most challenging. Firstly because it brings with it all the usual aspects of change (uncertainty, new things etc) and secondly (probably the most tricky part) is that it brings with it an avalanche of new signals to try and read, a sense of loneliness, and potentially new scripts to learn and understand.

And it's not just big social change that is challenging. In fact, sometimes it's the small, seemingly insignificant changes that are harder - because nobody else may notice the differences... except the Aspie who always notices the differences.

And when the change is happening all around you, with no control in your hands, it's a scary thing.

It's like this... you have your social world on a rug that feels stable and safe - stable and safe enough to take risks in other areas of life... and then the rug gets shifted under you. Other people don't notice, but the small shift is enough to unsettle everything...
It's life though... and we roll with how it comes, whatever it means...

When two items of input are one too many...

I was thinking today...

Often my day is travelling along perfectly okay, I'm managing all that is going on, and I even roll with a few changes!

But then I get two people talking to me at once... or I try to prepare a meal while carrying on a conversation that I have to THINK through... or I try to sort out two different things going on at once...

And then it all falls to pieces in that moment.

It's that second item of input, and it gets me every time...

One of these days I'll find a strategy to save myself :)

Autism Month - where Awareness, Acceptance & Support can link hand in hand

April 2 is World Autism Awareness Day

I'm embracing World Autism Day with a 'bang' of sorts... well, for me anyway. You see, after having spent a very long time reflecting, and trying to work out what best represents my family during this month, that is officially known as Autism Awareness month, I am here to share my thoughts. Now I know that my opinion may well differ to others, and I by no means speak for other families and individuals when I give my opinion, please understand this. But please also understand that this post has been a while coming, and will hopefully give you some insight as to how my family views autism in our lives.

I do believe that raising awareness is important, but not in the sense that we need to find cures or ways to combat this 'devastating' (cringe) disorder or 'illness' (cringe) or 'disease' (cringe even more). There are still great levels of misunderstanding in the community as to what autism actually is (only a week ago, I had a lady question me that a person with ASD could make eye contact) and I personally believe that awareness should focus on helping people understand and realize that autism is more than a young child sitting in the corner rocking. Autism is a SPECTRUM. And it's not just children who are autistic, as children inevitably grow into adults (with many of these adults entering the workforce, establishing relationships and even becoming parents with families of their own).

I also believe that promoting acceptance is a crucial element to any level of autism awareness campaigning. To truly value 'people' we need to love and accept them for exactly. who. they. are. And autism has it's value, don't ever doubt that. I know as I write this, that some people may disagree, but this is where I come from... and so be it... :) Autism is a part of me, and so I see it like this... if Autism is devalued, then a part of me is devalued. I believe that love and acceptance underpins any progress that we make in life. Sure we get angry at times, and we all do, but ultimately, acceptance is the place that we move forward from. And..... being. different. is. perfectly. okay.

And so too, I believe, that to really 'back up' the awareness and acceptance, support is what is needed... in our larger community, in what we provide our children, and in how we approach others around us. Families living with autism often require support like they need food, water and shelter. We hear heartbreaking stories in the media, and for many of us, these stories are real, or only a step or two away from the reality of what we face everyday. But please understand here that I'm not talking about the autism itself that is heartbreaking. I'm talking about the overall result... the experiences that come from the behaviours and the depleted sense of self worth that people on the autism spectrum have and display as a result of trying to manage in a world that doesn't fit them. It's the classic case of trying to put the square peg into the round hole. What I believe is needed, is for skills to be taught (so auties and aspies can gain a sense of independence, or manage the social world), and for resources to be made available (for communication, or to aid sensory processing, or for families to have a break from caregiving due to exhaustion from the stress that comes from helping their loved one manage the 'world out there') and for structures, systems and arrangements to be put into place to ensure that those on the spectrum can reach their full potential... and I mean, really thrive... because ultimately, isn't that what we want for everyone in this world?... to be happy?... and to be loved and accepted for who they are?... and to know self love... and self acceptance.....

So please, this April, think some more about Autism. Maybe even learn some more about Autism. And then maybe humor me :) and consider where awareness, acceptance and support can link hand in hand (and by all means, rally for it too!) xx

Beginning the work of becoming yourself

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”
— Anna Quindlen

So here I am, peeling back some layers.

The layers have slowly been coming off for some time, and without doubt, I'm going to have days and probably weeks where I put a layer or two back on. But it's a process.

I'm learning that striving for the illusion of 'being what you think you should be able to be' (ultimately based on other people's ideas) really only leaves you in a place that is harmful to your own self worth. I'm working to give that away and to instead embrace me for who I am.

Life is too short to live any other way.

That Day

I stood on the edge that day.
Looking forward.
Because there was no looking back.
I was on my way... I was on the journey home.

And Another Year Passes...

The eve of the New Year (and its lead up) always has me thinking and reflecting... so what has 2011 been for me?...

2011 saw new 'adventures' as I travelled abroad with Steve - our first 'childless' holiday in 10 years... a journey that marked a significant change in lifestage and created beautiful memories that will last a lifetime...

2011 brought wonderful new opportunities in my career... the chance to share my skills and passion in working in an area that is dearest to my heart...

2011 meant 'letting go' as my baby started school and I faced life as a mum in a different capacity... with children who were becoming more independent than ever...

2011 brought the cementing of beautiful friendships - both new and old - blessed with the foundation of 'realness'...

But most significantly, 2011 was a year of growing self awareness... it was the year that I embraced my true self, really stopped to listen to my heart, and began to really take on a 'truer' way of life...

When I reflect on the year that has been I remember the tears that came with the challenges, but overshadowing those tears is the laughter that came with the joy, and the overwhelming sense of peace that sits with me today...

2011 was a year that I will remember fondly... and as I look forward with anticipation to the year ahead, I trust wholeheartedly that 2012 will be a year just as rich with blessings as 2011 has been...

With love always xx

Dear J... Just So You Know

Dear J,

If ever in the future, you should stop and wonder... I want you to know just how much we love you...

I want you to know how many tears have been cried for you... our hearts breaking whenever you felt sorrow... whenever you felt pain... whenever you felt misunderstood or alone...

I want you to know how many cheers have been yelled for you and kisses blown to you, across the breeze to your heart... our hearts swelling with joy as we watch you... just being you... beautiful you...

I want you to know how many battles have been fought for you... our hearts and minds totally immersed in doing what needed to be done... just for you...

I want you to know how many nights we held you in our arms while you were sleeping... and when you grew too big to hold in our arms, we cuddled you close to us, and stroked your hair just the way you like it stroked... all while you were sleeping...

I want you to know how often we talk to Pa, asking him to watch you from above, guiding you to be the very best you can be... guiding you in your journey of life...

I want you to know... just how much we love you...

..... all the way to the moon and the stars and back again... to little tiny pieces... forever and ever...

Mum & Dad xxxx